Will couples counseling be effective if there is domestic violence?
In most cases, couples counseling will not be effective if these is domestic violence occurring. The premise of couples counseling is to treat couples problems - including communication and relationship issues. Domestic violence is not a 'couples problem ', it is the problem of the person choosing to use violence or intimidation in order to control the other person's thoughts, feelings or actions. The person using verbal, emotional or physical violence must receive specialized help to promote non-violent conflict resolution prior to sucessful couples counseling being able to occur. Couples counseling requires respect, equality and freedom from fear and intimidation such that each person is emotionally free to state their feelings and opinions without fear of how the other might respond either during or after the session. In domestic violence, this freedom usually does not exist, and one parner (usually the female) may edit her true feelings and statements to avoid making her husband angry or avoid his remarks to her after the session. Finally, in couples counseling, many women living with domestic violence find that they are not believed by the counselor, or that they are blamed for the violence (i.e. "Why do you make him so angry?") In these cases, specialized domestic violence treatment is recommended as necessary to develop the necessary skills for respectful communication that is prerequisite for effective couples counseling. Many couples have discovered that they no longer need couples counseling once the domestic violence has ended. Our assessment process can help you and your spouse determine what type of counseling is indicated in your situation.
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